Title:	:(
Date:	2006-12-26 @ 00:15
Security:	public
Mood:	aggravated

Alright so since Kim has quit and my characters had a lot of interaction with hers, I think its best that I quit too.  This really sucks and I really had a lot of fun, but there's really no point now...

ILU and you know how to reach me (OHAYLIBERTYGF).

Well, for those of you who don't know, I am in California!!!  We finished the movie at the end of last week and I decided it'd be better to come up here now and get everything set up so I can be at home during Christmas.  The weather is absolutely gorgeous and I'm having a lot of fun exploring the city with a pretty great tour guide so far.  The loft I'm staying at is pretty great.  I mean, its nothing special or anything (not like your hotel, Craig!) but its enough room and I've unpacked most of my stuff so far.  SO, it has actually worked out really well.  Of course I miss everyone back home, especially Jess and Spin.  Thank my lucky stars for unlimited cell minutes after 7 pm!  

Anyway, Craig and I decided to let bygones be bygones and try to be friends again okay, so I saw him at the carnival a couple weeks before I came down here and he wanted to set things right before he left.  And I maybe told a little white lie.  I told him I'm not in love with him anymore.  I don't even know why I said it...it just, like, came out.  I guess I didn't want to be the vulnerable one anymore.  Only now...I still am, I just hide it.  He's been really great these past couple days...taking me to parties, introducing me to people, showing me what he knows so far of the city.  Its just hard, because sometimes when we talk, I feel like...I dunno, I still feel something there and it's even harder because I can't tell if he feels it too or not.  Sometimes I think maybe he does.  But other times I dunno.  I mean, he has a girlfriend anyway.  Plus, there's Spinner, who Jess has informed me may like me more than I realized.  I guess I just never realized he thought of what we have as anything serious.  He really is great...amazing actually.  I thought he saw it as just having fun.  Ugh, everything is so confusing and I hate it..  WHICH has turned out to be awesome for ME because I got to meet JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE (who is probably 100 times hotter in person) AND I had someone to go to Disneyland with.  So its been nice while we've both been here in the city.  Too nice.  I need to get over him.  I don't feel TOTALLY alone.

Jess thinks I should tell him I lied before.  I don't know if I can.

Well, I have an audition tomorrow morning so I'd better be going.  Love you guys lots and I miss you tons!  Can't wait to see everyone over Christmas!

So, the same crap has been going on with me.  Shooting the movie, getting tutored on breaks, getting home, trying to finish my schoolwork, going over my lines for the next day, and hanging out with Jess or Spin.  Its a busy life, but worth it.

Went to the launch and couldn't help but tell the reporters the truth about things.  Hey, what can I say, the public has a right to know.  I'm so tired of putting on a smile in front of them like everything is okay when it's not.  Although, I'm sure you've seen it in the magazines and tabloids if you've been to a store at all in the last couple days.  I couldn't help it.  A special thank you to HER for sticking by him no matter what?  Right, because WHO was the one who ruined his gig last year because she was a jealous bitch?  Pretty sure that wasn't me.  Who was MAD at him and WALKED AWAY during a performance to sulk because he couldn't help the fact that he only liked her as a friend?  OH RIGHT.  That wasn't me, either.  But, oh, of course I was the one who apologized for it, even though I didn't do anything.  And he has the nerve to talk about sticking by his side no matter what?  That was like...my fucking definition in the dictionary.  Manny Santos- you can find her right there by Craig's side even though he doesn't deserve it.  You know, I didn't even want to go to the stupid launch.  I went for him.  And he says that shit right in front of me like its no big deal.  AND P.S.- the phrase, "needing space," doesn't mean getting serious with someone else, FYI.  But you know what, I'm over it.  I said what I needed to say at the launch.  And I was serious when I told him I would be happy if I never had to see his face again and that we're done, like, for good.  And I'm fine with that.  And I can't help but be a little fine with the fact that all the tabloids have rightfully named 'Craig's new girlfriend' as, "the red-headed homewrecker."  Everyone LOVED Craig and I; she's going to be the most hated girl in Canada right now and I don't mind at all.  No qualms about it here.  I couldn't care less.

Anyway, onto brighter things, because I'm done with the bullshit in my life, Alex and Sean, you guys really have a great place!  Thanks for letting us come over and stuff.  And sorry for um, interrupting your sex in the bushes?  It was a lot of fun.  Besides the fact that everywhere I walked, there were couples making out or getting it on and I thought I might scream.  And then Craig tells me I'm "running away" because I'm moving?  No, fuck him, he ran away first.  He ran away from the feeling he knows he gets everytime we're together.  Besides, it's all over for good now, technically I'm not running away from anything.  The strings are cut and I'm moving on with my life.

Oh, and P.S.- Spinner is pretty much the most awesome guy ever.  I don't call him my favorite for nothing.  Although I have to say I don't really remember what happened the other night.  Waking up, definitely not fully clothed, with Spinner sleeping right next to me and not remembering what I did the night before.  And then I forgot to set my alarm to wake up to go in to the set, so I pretty much woke up, ran around the room getting ready, popped about five aspirin in my mouth, left him a note telling him I was sorry, I had to get to work, and then hurried off to the set.  So...I dunno what happened.  If anything did happen, I wouldn't regret it.  He's, like, one of my closest friends and I just feel comfortable around him like that.  I mean, its not like we haven't even done anything like that before...  Plus, he's an awesome cook.. french toast and s'mores... mmm.  I think it's your calling, Spin. ;)

Emma, we need to finish talking, okay?  If you don't tell your parents you're not eating right again, I will.

Well, I need to go sort through some more clothes to figure out what I'm taking with me to California.  You guys know how to reach me. :)
Shit, I just remembered Craig's stupid Christmas present is in my closet all wrapped and ready to go.  Guess I need to make a trip to the dumpster.

Gosh, I guess I need to update this thing, huh?  You know.. for all the avid readers out there who care so much about my life not...

Things on the set are going well.  Jake and I are still good friends but we don't really hang out anymore outside of the set.  After the pictures of us at the ravine came out, he kind of got scared off.  Well, his publicist kind of scared him off.  Which was really stupid, but whatever.  I could only dream of being as famous as him, I don't know what it's like.  I wanna say that we only have like a month or so (maybe less) of shooting before we wrap.  Then the reels go to get edited and they start making previews and trailers.  And THEN I go on a press tour right before the movie comes out.  Which is going to be absolutely insane because a lot of places I have to go are going to be in the U.S., and I am totally going to get lost.

Anyway, I went out for ice cream with Spinner a couple nights ago and decided he's going to come with me when I have to do Conan O'Brien's show.  I think he pretty much owes me his life.  Just kidding, Spin.  ;)

Also, I rocked at lasertag and nobody can deny it.

Craig and I hung out and watched scary movies at my house a couple nights ago too, after lasertag.  It was fun.  More like we kissed.  Several times. And I'm talking REALLY kissed. And then fell asleep on the couch together.  Plus, we had a really good talk, which I think ended up going well.  :)  We're taking things slow.  Which I totally respect.  I love him so much its insane, and I just want him to be happy.  But if I'm what makes him happy, trust me, that's way better.  I just hope things are better this time.  I need things to be better this time.

I was thinking since it's Halloween and all, maybe a party is in order for tonight?  I guess we'll see.  I still have my police officer uniform that I wore for the cast and crew party, and that costume is totally hot enough to wear twice...

Title:	Wonderful news!
Date:	2006-10-17 @ 03:22
Security:	public
Music:	Keane- Is It Any Wonder
Mood:	happy

Alright, so I just thought MAYBE Jay Hogart would want to know that --gee, I could have just SWORN I saw Ellie Nash and Craig Manning holding hands and getting cozy at the Dot this evening.  Oh, no, wait, I'm absolutely positive it was them.  And if they were doing that in public, they shouldn't care what anyone thinks, right?  So, I just thought I'd be the bearer of the good news.  I guess Ellie has her own little live-in affair.  That's just so cute.  So freakin' cute.  It's good to see Ellie's really getting around these days.

I hope they have a really nice life together.

Thanks Craig, for proving that you never even loved me in the first place.  At least now I know how you really felt.  Boy, do I feel dumb for wasting my time feeling upset about breaking up with you.

((p.s.- Does Jay have Manny on his AIM buddy list, and if not, could he add her?  I've never seen him on in my life and I realized maybe you forgot to add my name and I can't see you until I'm on your list.  :-\))